It’s the similarities in a relationship that make it work. However, it’s the differences that ignite the passion. Two people in a relationship are like magnets. They can attract or repel. Understanding this and managing it can be crucial to the survival of a relationship. Now the two poles are male energy and female energy. All men and women possess each but one is more of a dominant force than the other in an individual. It’s possible for a woman to have more masculine energy than feminine and for a man to have more feminine energy. Characteristics of masculine energy are:
- One focus
- High confidence
- Task focussed
- Concentration
- Analytical, assertive, logical
- Impatient
- Wants to be needed
- Hunts, pursues and chases
- Thrives on appreciation
Characteristics of feminine energy are:
- Needs to be seen, safe and understood (won’t let go of something emotionally until they feels understood)
- Feels and sees multiple things at once
- Deep need to share and connect
- Nurturing
- Desires to be sought after, pursued and honoured
When under stress, people have a tendency to wear the opposite energy. A male will wear the opposite mask if criticized, controlled of closed off to.
So, it’s becoming reasonably general knowledge that men are great at focussing on one thing (that’s the hunter in them) and women are great at multitasking (gathering and cooking and watching out for children and talking and sewing and anything else that isn’t hunting). It’s becoming general knowledge that women need to be understood and men need to be appreciated. Of course when I say 'man' and 'woman' I mean 'male energy' and 'female energy'.
It’s also reasonably general knowledge that every now and then women go bonkers. Let me blow your mind by telling you why. This will rock your world. Given that we’ve been around for millions of years and have been ‘advanced’ for just a fraction of these, it makes sense that a lot of our instincts and natural tendencies are still present from primal days. Imagine this, you’re a primal woman (yes, men, I want you to imagine this too). You’re looking for a primal man to multiply with. How do you make your choice? You test. You challenge. And today, women still have the need to test the fitness of their partner. Are they strong enough? Can they provide? Will they be there for me when I'm being chased by a sabre tooth tiger (aka. in my hour of need?) Do they love me no matter what? Hang on, I’m not sure I got those last couple quite right. Will they be there in my child’s hour of need? Will they love them no matter what? I’m sure the men reading this now are still back at the part where I said, “every now and then women go bonkers”, nodding and grinning. It’s time for you to catch up and listen. I know a woman’s mood can be illogical at times but do you know why? Let me make sense of the nonsensical. A woman’s love for her child goes beyond all reason. She will kill, she will die, she will do whatever is necessary for her child. She is consumed, possessed by the love she has for her children. What makes her child any more valuable than anyone else’s? Well because it’s hers, of course! And yours by the way! And given that she isn’t as physically strong or as physically capable of providing for and protecting them as men, she needs to find the best man for the job. Is she willing to settle for second best? No way! So she tests them, again and again and again.
Seems pretty logical to me.
So men, when you think your woman might be testing you, you have to do anything and often everything to prove yourself, to prove your love. And your message must always be “I’m here for you, I love you.” She’ll rant and rave and bring up that Christmas 6 years ago when you sided with your mum in a game of trivial pursuit and your job is to say “You’re right, I’m here for you, I love you.” Which essentially means, “I will protect you and the kids from the sabre tooth tiger, no matter what it takes, even if I have to sacrifice my life, because the kids are worth it and they need you because you’re the best mother that ever lived”, or something along those lines.
And if you’re right now thinking “my girl doesn’t test me”, it isn’t because you’ve passed all the past tests and she trusts you. It’s because you didn’t and she doesn’t. She’s given up, you’re not worth the energy right now. The only reason you’re still around is the fact that she doesn’t have the energy to find a replacement right now, and well, you are their dad after all. But it’s not too late. Give her some hope that you are up for the task by putting into practice other things you’ve learnt here. And when the day comes that she tests you, shout from the highest rooftop with joy, step up to the plate and prove to her that you are her man.