The first time I did any therapy training I was 22. I did the course to become a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor. Although most of my learnings from that time are hazy or now unconscious, one has always stuck with me, very brightly. I recall learning that it’s rarely someone’s emotions that cause them the distress, rather, it’s the way they feel about having those emotions. For example, your mother for whom you have cared for, for a number of years through her terminal illness, finally passes. Not only do you feel grief, which is to be expected, you also feel relief. And then you notice that you feel guilty about feeling relieved. It’s not the relief that’s the issue here, until you make it an issue by feeling guilty.
As a coach or therapist, I have put a lot of pressure on myself to be the picture of a perfect life, to have my shit together. And if I ever feel as though I’m dropping the ball by having a negative emotion, boy, do I beat myself up for it! Recently though I’ve finally come to realise that I, like us all, are merely human. And that emotions are one of the most natural experiences humans have. And from that I have realised that it doesn’t matter what emotions we have, what matters is what we choose to do with them. Do we wallow in them, indulge in them, use them as an excuse to either do or not do something, cast blame? Or do we ask ourselves, what is this emotion trying to tell me? How can I learn from this and what do I need to do to make sure this doesn’t happen again? And then, once it’s served its purpose, let it go.
Are you an action taker? Do you use your emotions resourcefully? I’ve put together a “Step by Step guide to Letting Go of Negative Emotions”. You ready for it?
1. Identify and acknowledge that the emotion is there – through studies using EFT Tapping, it has been found that until we accept a situation, it is much harder to change it
2. Understand what it’s trying to communicate to you – the emotion might be a warning to avoid something, a message that something needs to change, that it’s time to stand up for yourself
3. Implement a strategy to deal with the message – make a commitment to take action whether it’s severing a friendship, letting go of old habits, and so on
4. Let the emotion go, now that it’s done it’s job (see below for how to do this)
So, here’s an example.
1. Identify and acknowledge the negative emotion that I’m feeling – I feel agitated and on edge and have trouble managing my frustration
2. Understand the message – I’ve been spending too much time at home or work and not spending enough time with friends
3. Implement a strategy – I make some time to see some friends in order to restore balance
4. Let the emotion go – I choose to use EFT Tapping or visualisation to shift the agitation and frustration, now that I’ve taken action and the emotion no longer serves a purpose
If you want to learn more about EFT Tapping or brush up on your skills, visit www.eftuniverse.com.
If you’ve not done EFT Tapping before and aren’t interested in finding out, here’s a great way to release emotions using a very simple visualisation technique.
1. Identify the emotion you want to release
2. Establish its intensity out of 10
3. Figure out what the emotion looks like/feels like specifically, how it presents in your body. (For example, anxiety might feel like a tightness across the chest and be a blue/grey colour)
4. Close your eyes and invite the emotion to leave, then watch it either simply leaving your body, getting burnt, blown up, evaporating, dissolving, whatever it is that resonates with you until the emotion is all gone, (it’ll be different for everyone and probably even different for you each time you do it)
5. Then fill the space with a positive emotion such as peace or safety, giving it colour and shape, give it a name, and let it spread through you
6. Open your eyes and check in again with the intensity out of 10
7. Repeat the process until the intensity is down to 0 or 1
This process can be used for fresh and raw emotions, or it can be used for emotions that are linked to a past negative experience that get triggered regularly – the ones you’ve simply had enough of! You may find the emotion resurfaces at another time, but it’ll be in a different form and probably less intensity. Keep chipping away at them. You’ll find that through your life you’ve managed to find many ways into tricking yourself to hang on to and hide certain emotions, but eventually they’ll surface, piece by piece, so I encourage you to remain patient and persistent as you just work through them one at a time.
If you’d like to be guided through this process, feel free to book a one-off session with me and I’ll walk you through the process, making it easier for you to do on your own next time.