One of the many amazing things about children is that they actually know how to relieve their stress in an effective way. It may not be acceptable to us adults, but it’s effective for them. The most important thing we can do to support our children in dealing with stress is to just trust them in knowing how to manage it for themselves. Stress is a process that the body goes through in order to deal with certain situations. If this process is disrupted either by an adult looking down on the response disapprovingly, or by additional stress put on the child, then the process can’t complete its cycle and the stress gets trapped within the body. This can lead to illness, physical pain and increased sensitivity to future emotional triggers.
Just as we trust that a child will learn to walk, or talk, or read or write when the time is right and they are developmentally ready, a child, if supported through the process will in their own time find effective and acceptable ways of relieving their stress. When they’re young it’s through tantrums and crying. As they grow it might be through sport, meditation, enjoying nature, talking or by immersing themselves in a hobby. In the meantime, we must not judge the way in which they do it, provide a safe space for them to process stress and make them feel loved and accepted.
In addition, it’s really important to put stress-prevention practises into place so they don’t get stressed in the first place. Some terrific stress-prevention methods include:
1. Model calm responses to potentially stressful situations. Kids gauge what behaviour is appropriate and what’s not through you, their role models. Sometimes they do this consciously, but more often than not they do it unconsciously. If you respond to a situation with stress, they will think that’s an appropriate response. So if you can remain calm, when they’re faced with a similar situation they will remain cool-headed, to such a degree that they don’t even perceive the situation to be one of stress, just another challenge to overcome.
2. Be aware that you influence the beliefs of your children. If you believe a situation to be stressful, they will too. It goes without saying that the more situations they can handle without activating the stress response, the more situations they can handle in their life, generally. This means they have a wider comfort zone and are therefore going to be capable of achieving more in their lives.
3. Establish for yourself and then for them a world-view belief system. This could be a traditional religion or faith or a more universal understanding of how life work. This gives them a solid foundation upon which to determine the meaning of life and offers a sense of security. When we have a context into which we can place life events it deepens our understanding and therefore reduces our uncertainty and negates any unnecessary stress.
4. Make them get the sleep they need. Sleep is crucial in managing stress. It improves your concentration, regulates your mood and sharpens your logical thinking, enabling you to be a better problem solver. All of these things contribute in keeping your stress levels down.
5. Encourage and support a regular exercise regime.Invite them to join a sports team, or a gym in order to channel any potential stress that’s building in their system before it explodes. I’ve found that the more stress someone is harbouring, the more likely they are to find a situation stressful. So by expelling the stress in little bits before it builds gives you the control to respond how you want to, rather than letting it trigger the stress response.
6. Make sure they feel loved and accepted. When a child feels loved and feels as though they belong, their self-confidence increases so when they’re faced with a potentially stressful situation they can do so head-on with belief in their ability to deal with it.
7. Give them a predictable routine. When people don’t know what’s about to happen, this may lead to them being constantly on edge, predicting and preparing for the worst. Kids thrive on routine. When things happen outside this routine, be sure to tell them as soon as you can (with as many details as you can) so they don’t get stressed about the unknown.
8. Offer them a whole-food balanced diet.A healthy diet supports the immune system, thereby reducing physical stress upon the body. It enables the body to heal more rapidly, thereby reducing pain and discomfort which can lead to stress.
9. Encourage them to implement a routine of activating the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system is the rest and repair system of the body and when activated, the stress response is de-activated. The two can not work at the same time. This system can be activated through meditation, yoga, prayer, EFT Tapping, loving relationships, getting outdoors and enjoying nature, playing with animals, breathwork or immersing in a favourite hobby.
10. Find your own ways to manage your stress.Even if you’re not acting stressed, if you are stressed, you’re putting that stress energy out there and your children will respond to it unconsciously, often mirroring your energy.
Things to give thought to this week:
· What beliefs do I have that might have a negative impact on the way my child responds to stress? How can I change these beliefs in order to model a healthy response to stress? (Changing long standing beliefs can be quite challenging, you may want to seek professional support).
· What can I encourage my child to try the next time I see them stressed?
What habits can I encourage my child to adopt in order to prevent the build-up of stress and therefore having a stress response in minor situations?