When we think of the key contributors to relationship breakdown we think poor communication, lack of intimacy, unshared values and interests and constant fighting. My clients often list at least a few of these, if not more and wonder where on earth they’re going to start fixing it all.

You might be surprised to hear that the solution to pretty much all relationship issues is the same thing. Which is lucky for me as a relationship coach because I only have to focus on one thing, and the rest tends to take care of itself.

What is this ONE thing you ask?

This month I’ve been teaching you about STRESS. So far, I’ve covered what stress looks like to help you get real about the stress in your life. And now I’m going to introduce you to the most effective tool I know for releasing stress from you body.

Although EFT Tapping is a relatively new tool (having come into prominence in the 1990s), it’s roots go back to ancient Chinese medicine, using some of the points used in acupuncture.

I know what it’s like to be stressed. I’ve experienced the sleepless nights. The feelings of complete and utter overwhelm. The heart palpitations, the tightening of the chest. The incessant negative self-talk. I’ve even dipped in and out of depression from time to time. I’ve been unable to manage my anger and my anxiety about what might or might not happen.

As explored previously, conflict is caused by a number of underlying factors. Once we learn what these factors are, and deepen our understanding of them, we are able to see a potential conflict building and do something about it before it occurs. But in order to do that, you must first adopt the principles of healthy relationships. The first of these principles is that you must give your partner the benefit of the doubt. Understand that your partner experiences life from a different point of view than you and therefore may feel differently about certain things. Trust that they are always doing their best for the relationship. With this attitude, when a conflict may have arisen in the past, now you will seek to understand your partner more deeply.

It’s no secret that most couples fight. And if they’re not verbally arguing, they’re withdrawn and disconnected from one another. And if a couple can’t find ways to resolve the conflict, not only does the resentment build but the love begins to fade and so does the trust. However, once you learn how to effectively resolve conflict, you will not only be fighting less (or not at all) and keeping the peace, you’re going to naturally develop deeper levels of connection, intimacy and trust.

The biggest strain on any relationship is when you inadvertently (or advertently) hit a nerve. Now what do we mean by this expression – hitting a nerve? Basically, what that means is that someone’s triggered your trapped your unprocessed emotions. These are your so called “sensitivities” or “insecurities”. Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and when you shift and release these trapped emotions you change the energetic signal that you’re sending out to the world and people can no longer trigger you the way they once did.

Although EFT Tapping is a relatively new tool (having come into prominence in the 1990s), it’s roots go back to ancient Chinese medicine, using some of the points used in acupuncture.

In order to gain a deep understanding of how and why EFT Tapping works, we’re going to begin exploring your stress response.

Over the years I’ve seen a lot of couples struggling to make their relationship work. When a relationship is stressed, communication is poor, trust is diminished, and each partner feels isolated and scared.

Obviously, there’s an infinite number of things that can stress a relationship and each relationship is completely unique, however, I have found a number of similar stresses that come up again and again with clients.

Relationships need boundaries. Here’s why. You and your partner (or friend, or parent, or child, or colleague) are a team. And you’re playing the game of life together. Now every game needs rules so that we know whether we’re doing the right thing or not. In regards to your relationships, the ‘right’ thing is that which helps to move the relationship forwards whilst supporting the individual member of the aforementioned team.

“Kindness is an underrated value in (our) culture. People tend to value intelligence, charisma, coolness, talent, inspiration, beauty and other bright sparkly attributes that can radiate out of even the most narcissistic individuals.” Lissa Rankin, The Daily Flame.

Kindness, on the other hand is plain, it’s simple, it’s quiet. It doesn’t draw attention to itself. This perhaps is the power of it.