Fighting less isn’t a skill you can acquire overnight. It’s something you need to work on over time. There are two elements that will contribute to the long-term reduction of conflicts within your relationship. The first is how you manage yourself when an issue comes up, whether you choose to just yell it out or find a way to calm down. The second is how you talk through the issue in order to resolve it. 

No matter how committed a couple are, how much they love each other, how much time, energy and devotion they put into their relationship or even how good their sex life is, if a couple doesn’t communicate well, their relationship won’t work smoothly, and they’ll find themselves being constantly frustrated. Here’s some really important tips to take on board to improve communication with your partner.

It’s the similarities in a relationship that make it work. However, it’s the differences that ignite the passion. Two people in a relationship are like magnets. They can attract or repel. Understanding this and managing it can be crucial to the survival of a relationship. Now the two poles are male energy and female energy. All men and women possess each one, but one is more of a dominant force than the other in an individual. 

Once you begin to understand your own needs better, it does actually become easier to understand your partner’s, even if their needs differ from yours. We’ve briefly looked at Core Needs before, those being certainty, variety, love and connection, significance, contribution and growth. Today we’re going to look a little deeper. This will not only help you to understand your partner’s needs, but it will give you greater understanding of your own too.

How frustrating is it when you tell your partner something over and over again and they still don’t get it? It could be years before it sinks in. The reason why couples fail to understand each other at times isn’t just due to the biological difference between the way male and female brains are put together. There are differences in experiences, values, beliefs and personalities. The better you know yourself, the more information you have to communicate to your partner about who you are and what makes you tick. Don’t assume that your partner should just ‘know’ you because they love you. People usually see you through their own eyes and from their own perspective rather than through yours, because it’s just what they know best. If you want to communicate to your partner what’s important to you, you have to speak to them in their language and from their perspective and in doing so, they will begin to see you from your point of view. 

Have you ever found yourself poking along just fine in your relationship, happy as Larry, and then suddenly something happens, and you erupt, or withdraw, or do something really, really dumb? And you think, “Where did THAT come from?”

It’s really important to know yourself well so that when emotions are triggered within your relationship you know the reasons and are therefore better equipped to deal with them in a manner that won’t damage, but instead strengthen your relationship. 

A good partnership can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life. And a bad one has the potential to cause long term issues. So how can you attract a partner that’s right for you? The best place to start is with the end in mind. What does your ideal relationship look like?

People tend to manage their anger in one of two ways when they’re stressed. Either they suppress the anger and withdraw which can often lead to depression or they blow their lid. The reason we have trouble managing our anger when we’re stressed is because stress can affect higher thinking. In caveman terms, when we have to run for our life, energy is taken from the part of our brain that’s capable of logic and reason. Without this part of our brain we don’t process the anger effectively, so it gets either pushed down, which can lead to health issues down the road or explodes which may result in further emotional and relational issues later on. Today we’re going to look at ways of avoiding anger and then ways to manage it if it does pop up.

There are three types of stress that we experience throughout our lives. Chemical, physical and Emotional. Chemical stresses are things like air pollution, water contaminants, the chemicals in our food, smoking, excessive alcohol intake, medication and toxic chemicals in cleaning products. Physical stress can be caused by serious injury, sitting for long periods, repetitive lifting and bending, a full-time athletic schedule or the physical demands of parenting. Emotional stress can be instigated by work, family, relationships, parenting, feelings of isolation, financial strain and keeping up with the Joneses and general life pressures.

The emotional memories connected to traumatic experiences have the potential to infiltrate every aspect of our lives and at times can be quite debilitating. Traumatic experiences may have been caused by physical or mental abuse, loss of a loved one, breakdown of relationships, serious injury or war. People suffering from traumatic experiences may withdraw from others, making them feel very isolated and lonely. They may suffer from mood swings and irritability, anger, or feelings of hopelessness. They may have unwelcomed intrusive memories. The constant state of stress that they may experience puts pressure on their immune system which may lead to significant health issues. You may be in denial or even experience some degree of guilt over the incident. Trauma isn’t something you have to live with though.